Life Is Transition

Colin, North East YAB and YAB Core Member, wrote this following the YAB Summit:  

As you know, life is transition.  Whether you’re 15 or 55, life is constantly evolving and throwing new obstacles is your path.  No one knows this better than system youth, especially YAB youth.  We try our best to adapt and adjust and we use whatever tools that we have available.  In YAB, we use our tools of experience, partnering with professionals and much more to assist ourselves and our peers with the transitions of life.

This why I love YAB Statewide get togethers.  Whether its the Summit, the Retreat or even a quarterly Statewide meeting, this is where the most fun and most amazing things happen.  Every person’s story and situation is different.  Some youth, like myself, may have had to grow up quickly and never fully enjoy the treasures of childhood.  Some youth may have been abused, neglected or even forgotten about by the system until they found YAB.  But at the end of the day, especially at big statewide functions, none of that matters.  When we get together we get work done, but we also have fun, we network and socialize, but most importantly we pay it forward.  When we get together we are NOT our problems, or our past.  We are one.  We are a group of youth and young adults whose sole intention is to better the lives of our peers and even of those whom we may never meet, but know that their time in care is better than ours was.  We give a voice to those who need it, and we make sure that needs are met. Because after all, It’s not about us without us. 

(This is not Octavia!) 

What’s your all-time favorite __________, why?

My favorite animal would be a camel. “A camel’s hump is a storehouse of fats which provides energy during its long journey in the desert…” For me a camel represents a long journey through the desert of life. At times there will seem like you will never reach a resting point, your destination. But you do. My ‘hump’ of energy stored during the journey is God and all the people who have never walked away or given up on me. That has been my support and foundation to help me go a little further than I even thought I could. The desert doesn’t last forever; therefore the trials can’t last forever.

What is one change you would like to see in the system?

One change I would like to see in the system is more foster homes offering age-appropriate freedoms to older youth. Older youth make up a huge population of the foster care system; if they aren’t placed into foster homes they are placed in group homes, shelters or where ever there is room. For me that breaks my heart. Whether a youth is 8 years old or 17 years old; they need the family connection. The family connection provides a sense of support, stability and guidance that helps the youth make an easy transition into adulthood.

What advice would you give to youth in care who want to go to college?

Never think that you don’t have the capacity or you aren’t good enough for college. If college is the route you want to take, take it. There are so many grants and financial aid available including the Chafee Grant for youth in care. Don’t let finances or anything else distract you from going to college, if that’s what you want to pursue.

What is your favorite Youth Advisory Board memory?

My favorite Youth Advisory Board memory; hmmm, there are so many! I guess one of the things I remember most is when I first started YAB in 2011, working with Justin to plan a Stakeholders Banquet with other members of SC YAB. It was a great experience to work with other youth (my peers) and working with Justin. He was fun, motivating, encouraging and very informative about anything IL. I learned so many things about myself working with Justin. Plus, it helped me network to find out about the position I am currently in as a Youth Ambassador! J

Octavia Lacks grew up in Littlestown, Pennsylvania; known for only having one stoplight. Although Octavia grew up in a small town, her heart belongs to the city.

Octavia entered foster care when she was 14 years old. After 6 foster home placements, she has found a sense of stability in the foster home she is currently in. Octavia plans to stay in foster care until she is 21.  She is currently pursuing Supervised Independent Living to get her own apartment. Octavia is a freshman at Harrisburg Area Community College and is working towards a degree in Criminal Justice and ultimately becoming a Juvenile Probation Officer.

One of the things that is important to Octavia while being in care is family relationships. Despite numerous placements, Octavia has been able to maintain a relationship with her biological brothers and sister.  Whether it was at Milton Hershey School or a foster home in the area, Octavia has always made it a priority to keep in touch with her biological family. She views it as, “you don’t have to be a product of your environment(s), but you can still have a relationship with people from that part of your life”.

Even though Octavia’s childhood has not been easy, she tries to make the most of any situation she is put in. Octavia has found a voice while participating on the Youth Advisory Board.  She was recently elected as a representative for her county in 2012.

Octavia’s long-term goal is to finish school, earn her degree and move to an area such as Washington, DC to pursue her career goal.

Stay tuned next week for Octavia’s question and answer! 

Now that we are fully enmeshed in holiday spirit, I think it’s time to talk about the Holiday Blues.  

I love Christmas!  I decorated a week before Thanksgiving, I have a Christmas mug at work and if you’re friends with me on Facebook, you might have seen a cheerful post or two. 

Though, while talking to some current and former foster youth, the holidays seem to bring more grief than happiness.  Those nagging memories from past holidays seem to float to the top of our consciousness, or if ever there was a time for family drama, this season always brings it full force.   If only that baggage could just be left at some curb for someone else to deal with. #AmIRight?

So for the next few weeks, I want your Holiday survival tips.  How do foster youth and alum around Pennsylvania survive the Holidays?  I’ll be posting them in various YAB hot spots during and after the holidays.  Remember, you aren’t alone and there are people around to support you during the holidays and throughout the year.  So again, how do you keep festive during the festivities?   How do you remember to feel the Joy in joyful?  I want your stories, your advice, your checklists and your quotes.  Let’s help each other out!  

Colin McShane, a North East YAB Member, writes about how being a part of advocacy has helped him Transition.  

Life is most definitely transition.  And for some of us, part of that transition is advocacy for our fellow peers.  I first got into youth advocacy four years ago, when I was still in the substitute care system.  I was in a group home outside of Philly, and I was reading through my orientation packet when I came across a  piece of paper that had youth rights on it.  Doing some further research on my own, I found out so much more about the rights we had as youth in care and often spent my time speaking up for my fellow peers and even made my way into the weekly staff meetings to voice the ideas and concerns that other youth came up with.   Later, as my discharge from the group home was getting close, the vice president of the facility came to me and asked me if I was interested in joining their Board of Directors as a Youth  Representative.  Two years after that, I was approached by YAB.

Today, four years after my advocacy journey began I am still a member of YAB, still the Youth Representative of the Board of Directors and I also serve on my county’s MH/MR advisory board.  I must say, it hasn’t always been easy, but it has always been enjoyable.  Not just because I’m helping other people, but because these same people are helping me.  Every story I hear, every idea that is brought up, is new insight into life.  Every person has their struggles and hardships.  And every person has found their own way to cope and move on.  As an advocate, I feel as though it is not only my duty to speak for youth, but to assist them with their transitions through life.  Often times, these youth do want to make changes in their own lives but don’t know how to.  When we as advocates are fighting for their rights or creating legislation to help make their transitions easier, we are not just empowering these youth.  We are giving them the second chance that they deserve.  At the end of the day, even through there are plenty of youth that might not know what YAB is, or that we are fighting for them, simply knowing that I am influencing positive change and providing that second chance through policy and action is enough for me.  I am proud to be a member of YAB and am grateful to have the chance to experience transition through advocacy.

Once again, the Youth Advisory Board has been busy learning and making themselves heard!  At the recent 2012 Youth Summit, held in State College, youth representing all of the regions of Pennsylvania Youth Advisory board met to discuss the new Fostering Connections Law, learn about strategic sharing, and participate in either a Know Your Rights workshop, or a time management workshop.  The summit culminated in a panel of youth presenting ideas of why parts of Fostering Connections are important and some recommendations for the implementation of the new law.
                All parts of the Youth Summit created great discussion and we all learned a lot.  Youth learned about taking care of themselves while sharing their stories, and considering their audience and purpose.  Youth also became experts of the Fostering Connections law and learned all about the requirements and important components of youth reentering the system.  These trainings were extremely productive and we all had a great time getting to know each other while increasing our knowledge.
                During the Know Your Rights workshop, youth had the opportunity to learn about updated Know Your Rights information.  The time management workshop showed youth great ways to minimize stress and prioritize their schedules.  In this workshop, youth brainstormed ways to motivate themselves and stay organized, and how to apply these skills to being involved with the Youth Advisory Board and participating in the Youth Summit.
                Finally, each region represented at the youth summit came up with recommendations for the implementation of the Fostering Connections law for and what it should look like for older youth reentering care.  The parts of the law that were focused on were permanency, housing, re-entry and planning, and age appropriate freedoms.  The Youth Advisory Board regions determined what their recommendations were and recognized potential barriers to their goals for their recommendations.  From this, they made strategic plans that outlined quick wins and goals for their ideas.  The youth developed some great recommendations and excellent plans for follow through!
                For the second and last day of the summit, six youth representing the Youth Advisory Board spoke as a panel to the Pennsylvania Children and Youth Administrators.  The youth talked about why permanency, housing, re-entry and planning, and age appropriate freedoms are such important parts of Fostering Connections.  Some of the recommendations that were planned the previous day were also shared. Some impactful personal experiences were also shared by the members of the panel, who represented 65 years of experience with the child welfare system.  The input was powerful and was clearly heard by child welfare leaders.  It’s exciting and inspiring to think about where these recommendations will lead and how they will impact older youth!

Chris Nobles here. I’ve recently moved on from the Child WelfareTraining Program Resource Center to a position as an RA (Resident Advisor) at a new Valley Youth House SIL (Supervised Independent Living) site in Delaware County. I’m sure you haven’t quite had time to miss me yet, but I wanted to keep you posted on a few things I’ve noticed since I’ve been out here. Another list, for the cause:

1. LIFE IS HARD! Seeing youth no more than five years behind me going through what still feels so fresh in my memory actually blows me away. I’ve told plenty of people that age 17-18 is likely as hard as I’ll work my entire life and… seeing it from the outside or at least from a mentoring perspective… it’s 100% true. Just to break even, to start up a relatively normal life, these youth really have to grind and keep out of any sort of trouble. It’s tough. Buy they’re up to the task.

2. LIFE IS HARD (2)! To manage this transition personally, I somehow had to manage to change places of employment, change residence, attempt to get a license, attempt to get a car, figure out how I was going to move my things from one residence to the next without having secured a license or car, get to know my new position, get to know my new supervisor, get to know the new area, help set up the house so that it was livable, introduce the program at a few speaking engagements, and THEN get to know the six residents. Wait, wasn’t life supposed to be easier after 17-18?

3. Motivate. A very wise person once said to me “Human beings are the last great untapped resource on the planet,” which is a quote I cite very often. Like most quotes though, it’s misquoted and I admit that. The second part of the comment was, “…so if you think oil companies manage to run the world, imagine what you could do if you could manage to move people the way they move barrels.” A bit obscure, but a good point. I’m beginning to learn that, often times, the greatest good can be done by influencing and motivating other people in positive ways. I couldn’t pay a system youth to take pride in themselves and want to achieve—-there is nothing I could give them, other than a positive example and encouragement, which could grant them the energy and drive to be more.

4. Some assembly required. As a one receiving services in the system for a long time, and working with professionals afterward, I always sort of got the impression that the pros had everything together and knew what they were doing. I bet some of the people I work with now get the same impression about me. I now find this hilarious—-every day, for different reasons, no matter what your circumstance, everyone winds up throwing themselves together enough to be presentable and just doing their best. This experience has shown me that youth in care are at a disadvantage not for the nature of their life issues (because everyone has them), but because of the form the issues take and lack of resources to aid in working through them.

5. Life is Transition.  Yeah I’m saying it again. Because it is. The more different people I meet, different angles I get on life, the more I notice that it all looks pretty much the same in a very beautiful way. Everyone’s going somewhere. Seeing, and appreciating, and enjoying that change is key.

This year’s retreat theme was C.L.A.I.M!  We Are Taking Over… Changing Lives- Advancing Your Independent Memories.  I had a great time this year hanging out with you guys!  The Retreat Steering Committee for IL Retreat 2013 should be meeting soon!  See you next year! —Babs

What does Claiming your story mean to you? 

Here are some quotes from this year’s retreat! 

“I absolutely love the retreat, I think it is a great way to get to meet teens going through similar situations. It gives me a sense of comfort knowing I’m not the only one, and having someone to talk to. Definitely started connections with life long friends. Not to mention I love helping and talking with people:). YAB is the Way To Go.” -Ashlee, Steering Committee Member

“The retreat was great! I learned that you cannot demand youth to do what you want them to do. Sometimes you have to just give direction and give the youth the opportunity to be a young adult and make right decisions.” - Cortez, Youth Ambassador

“There are so many teens out there going through the same things I am. I met people who completely understand me. It was weird, because normally, No one does. I guess it just feels nice knowing there’s people out there I can really relate to, and that I’m not alone.”  - Christy, participant

 “The 2012 IL Retreat was so engaging and well ran by it’s wonderful staff that it makes me wish I could be 16 again so that I could attend every year for the next five years!”- Kevin Brown, Banquet Speaker (His Website!)

Here is a short introduction to me, your new PA YAB project manager.  You can call me Babs.

• ·         I’ve been an active member of the YAB since 2004
• ·         I was a Youth Ambassador
• ·         My favorite color is orange
• ·         My current band on repeat is Walk off the Earth
• ·         I was a Regional YAB coordinator in the South East
• ·         I am currently a Youth Quality Improvement Specialist
• ·         I play the Ukulele and I enjoy running
• ·         I have a blog about coffee and Foster Care

One of my goals for the Youth Advisory Board is that every youth would walk away from it feeling empowered, valued and expanded.  I will be looking at Empowerment as it relates to youth in Transition

Two weeks ago, I was at a “Communities on Transition” Conference.  The theme this year was Empowerment in an Environment of Change.  The participants of this conference were organizations, parents, case workers and youth who work with and have disabilities.  I learned a lot, and made friends with the Pennsylvania Youth Leadership Network! I hope that the Pennsylvania Youth Advisory Board can partner up with them.

The first speaker was Ako Kambon, and he walks us through Empowerment like this.  There are four stages, and everyone is somewhere on the continuum, so as you read this series try and figure out where you are, and where you would like to go next.

I will end this post with a question:  How does Empowerment and Transition relate?  How can the Youth Advisory Board empower, value and expand?  Hit me up! 

PS: There’s whole lot of resources on transition and empowerment at the YAB’s Website at www.independentlivingpa.org

I write articles and present in front of people all of the time, and it is always the hardest to write for my peers.  Do I go serious with a guest post?  Or do I go funny?  My goal is to impart some sort of wisdom gleaned from a quarter of a century of experience.  My other goal was to try and use the least amount of exclamation marks as possible.  You probably have enough people shouting at you.  I’ll start with a few of my thoughts that occur throughout the day.

“One step at a time”, “day by day”, “feared things first”, “Follow a To-do List”, “Compartmentalize that pain”, “You can do it”, “You can’t do it”, “Will I ever get over it?”, “Your story wasn’t as bad as others”, “What happened to you was wrong”, “Your feelings are valid”, “Your feelings are not valid”, “You are special”, “You are not special”, “I’m a survivor”, “I feel so fragile”, “Be Productive”, “Be Functional”, “Mind your finances”, “You are beautiful”, “You are awesome”, “You suck”, “You can do this”, 

The above is how I self-talk.  The way you self-talk may look different.  It is how I get up in the morning, it is how I get my work done and it is how I plug along.  Some days I feel so honored to be a former foster youth, and other days I just wish the baggage would dig itself a hole and disappear.  It leaves me feeling drained and fragile.  Yet, something inside of me keeps me going, keeps me climbing that mountain.  There is something special inside all of us that keep us going.  We survive, we strive, we lift, and we throw down.  We keep our head up. 

If you are a former foster youth reading this, you already have survival skills.  Move over Bear Grylls!  Some of these survival skills are really hard to turn off because they have served you very well.  Here’s a life example, one of my personality traits is that I’m a pleaser.  It served me well as a survival tactic, because it made working with foster parents and case-workers easier.  They naturally liked me and I was considered “low-maintenance.”  It has served me so well, that I have wrapped my self-worth up in my ability to please or assimilate.  It has also made me loyal to a fault, if I can’t make a relationship work; it is because I wasn’t able to please enough.  I wasn’t good enough, or there was ultimately something I was doing wrong.  I worked very hard to gain my foster parents love, acceptance and approval.  That is not something you can simply turn off. 

As you transition out of care, you are going to have lot of emotion.  You may move from surviving in one system to surviving in another.  If you are no longer in a situation where you are simply “surviving,” you need to grieve, because you don’t have the time to acknowledge it while you are experiencing it.  I attend therapy on a pretty regular basis and I talk constantly about how I am feeling.  The act of figuring this out has me being more forgiving of my faults.  The self-talk I listed above, comes from years of negativity from the people around me, so in grieving I’m learning how dead wrong they are.  I’m a survivor and I know you are too.  

The next day of the rest of your life…

This just in: Life isn’t a fairytale. Life, as it turns out, has no happily ever after. Even after the harrowing escape, the chance to start new, the hope for a future, the sun still rises the next day.

Things continue to change, and they always will. Life bears far more resemblance to a series of books than an uplifting movie—-no matter how satisfying the end to a chapter may be, that’s all it is. The end of a chapter. A way of moving from one event to the next, with almost a comical consistency. What happened in the past eventually only has the relevance of leading up to what happened next.

Life is a lot of things. As best I can tell, living is the art of moving between those things without getting frustrated.

Thought I was going to say life is transition, didn’t you? That’s for the end of the series, people!

____________________________________________________________________

Right.

Work, school, rinse, repeat.

No sleep, but dreams—-

Work, and work, and eat.

Ignore the past.

No rest.

Achieve.

February,

March,

And now it’s spring.

Work, school, rinse, repeat.

Ignore fatigue.

All the same to me.

Work, school, rinse, repeat.

When will I have time to breath?

Work, school, it’s all on me.

April, May, this is hard to believe.

June, July.

Work, working.

Work, work.

I’m starting to forget things.

August.

August.

This is harder than it seemed.

This month is my birthday.

“How are you celebrating?”

Work.

School.

Basically nothing.

September, October—-

School has returned…

The opportunity to move forward,

More achievements to earn,

Then why do I feel,

That somehow I’ve been burned.

Robbed of real living.

Another lesson learned.

Work, School, rinse, repeat.

It’s starting to hurt.

Work, School, rinse, repeat.

December and June looked the same to me.

The sneaking feeling,

That I need to do something.

Anything,

Anything,

But work, school and repeat.

I trapped myself,

The instant I was free.

Life changed.

My next opponent was me.

_______________________________________________________________________

During year two, all I wanted to do was establish that I could be dedicated to my job, and to school. Good traits to have, but not at the expense of actually living. I had no social life. I didn’t trust anyone to not throw off my relentless pattern. I didn’t treat myself like a human being—-all I was here for was to be the youth who never missed work due to being out late, who didn’t miss an assignment, who didn’t care about always being asked to stay the extra shift, who didn’t bother with silly things like holidays or birthdays.

I was still just trying to keep my head down. And I burnt out.

To be honest, I didn’t transition well to the next set of challenges. I wasn’t prepared to deal with me, learn to value myself a bit more, allow myself to develop ambition and go for things for a reason other than satisfying others or having the pitiful satisfaction of not being the ‘trouble kid’.

So year two blurred by, and I got nothing but tired.

Another one that won’t quite make it. Right?

The first day of the rest of your life…

Hindsight gets involved a little bit here, because now I know far more than I knew just three years ago. Three years ago, I really wasn’t much more than a product of my environments. Environments, with an ‘s’ because sadly there was a lot of moving around going on. Environments which included an unstable, disintegrating family, and abuse in most of its varied forms.

I wasn’t much more than a young man who’d managed to stay out of trouble (for the most part) in his stay in group homes—-a young man who so often, even to this day, accidentally fits into the mold of ‘the good kid’. Back then, I didn’t understand that I sort of want to show my scar, that I want people to know what being me actually entails. Back then I didn’t even understand that my scar, when it is showing, shows in the fact that my life’s ambition for too long was to stay out of everyone’s way.

Back then, I just wanted a moment of peace and safety. Somewhere to hide. Life was that list of bad things I woke up every day attempting to avoid, and little more. Then, life starting happening to me again. Frighteningly fast… but it went something like this:

______________________________________________________

February ‘08: “Why don’t I have a valentine?” Basically, nothing better to think about.

April ‘08: “Am I seriously going to be in this group home for another year plus?” It might have been the end of the world. Seriously.

June ‘08: “Yay I’m graduating! Turns out they found some credits, and I’m a senior, and I get to be a senior for a whole week and then I graduate! Yay!” Wait for it…

July ‘08: “How do you lose credits anyway?” Wait for it…

August ‘08: “Yay I got to move to an ‘independent living’ group home! And I’m turning 18!” …aaaaaaand now.

Late August ‘08: “Aw cool I get to start my first semester at college which will require me taking a bus and train two hours each way, while securing my first real jobs and preparing to move out on my own soon!” Wait, no, yield to optimism… how long will that last?

October ‘08: “… oh $#!%” There it is. The moment you realize you’re ‘transitioning’ from being a youth in a highly restrictive group home, to being out in the world generally solo far before you’re ready.

“Before I was ready,” turned out to be December of ‘08. I moved into my first apartment (where I’ve been for the past three years) with all of my possessions in a few trash bags. When I think about it, those trash bags represent the #1 thing which needed to change about how I lived my life.

Never should one feel like everything they own, everything they are, everything they have to help them become something more, is so worthless that it doesn’t matter if it’s simply tossed into a few trash bags.

In order to salvage something out of the hand I’d been dealt, I was going to have to pick through the trash. Maybe that was the reality. I’ve always wondered, though, what kept me from asking for luggage.

I don’t think I want to know the answer, now.

If the answer has something to do with alarming amounts of apathy, this trait DID come in handy for a few things at that time. I was going to be out on my own, but I still thought like the kid who just wanted to be invisible in the group home. So I didn’t buckle under the pressure, because I was so eager to please. I didn’t try to make any connections, other than those which allowed me to mindlessly cycle between work and school as smoothly as possible.

So the following months went something like this…

December ‘08: “Yay! My very own apartment!” Actually, that’s still pretty sweet.

January ‘09: “I need a job.”

February ‘09: “I got a job.” Followed before the month was out with ‘I hate my job’

Late February ‘09: “Work. School. Rise. Repeat. Everything will be fine now. Right?” Right?

Hello, world!  Chris is busy preparing to take over the internets with his newest Life Is Transition series of blog posts.  While he’s in the lab, I’m going to share a guest post with everyone.  

My name is Justin Lee; I’ve been lucky enough to be a supporter of the Pennsylvania Youth Advisory Board (YAB) since 2001.  I currently serve as the statewide coordinator of the YAB where I serve as a professional link for YAB members to help them get their work done.  Check the website at www.independentlivingpa.org.

Throughout my career, I’ve worked with older youth transitioning out of the child welfare system.  I’ve seen a lot.  I may have seen it all; there’s been youth sleeping on friend’s couches not sure how long they’ll be able to stay; youth reuniting with family they haven’t seen since childhood; youth (a lot) being accepted into higher education as the first in their family; and youth battling every type of adversity you can imagine.  

There’s one common thread that connects all of these youth: they are an inspiration to me.  

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I will bet my bottom dollar and put these youth up against ANYONE to succeed in life.  In the media, we usually hear about people living in poverty or those that are disadvantaged looking for “handouts.”  I’ve worked with older youth in and out of the child welfare system for over a decade and I have yet to meet one looking for a “handout.”  I’ve actually seen the opposite; youth that want to succeed on their own terms by any means necessary.  More often than not, I spend my time trying to convince 19 year olds that they don’t have to be Superwoman or Superman.  

At 34 years old, I’ve realized these young people that have faced horrible circumstances in their lives, and I mean horrible, have more courage and resiliency than 99% of the population.  YAB members and all of their brothers and sisters in the child welfare system aren’t just survivors - they’re winners.  Sometimes, the win doesn’t come on time.  There’s also times when the losses happen many times before the wins start coming.  

Know this: the wins will come for all of these young people.  No doubt.  

I could stay shouting on this soapbox all day but I won’t.  I’ll end with this - thank you.  Thank you for energizing me in the cause.  Thank you for inspiring me.  Thank you for teaching me about the power of the human spirit and resiliency.  Thank you for being you.  

Peace and best wishes.  Oh yeah, one more thing, when you’re a CEO of your own company or a millionaire try to remember me and hook a brother up!    

Hello fellow Transitionees!

Yes, I’m still alive. And yes, you were promised complete stories of all of the events leading up to the September post (which I will make good on, double promise) but oddly enough life doesn’t seem to want to pause so that I can collect myself and tell the story.

It’s almost as though the story is better told in-media-res (that would be from the middle of the action or as it happens for all you non writernerds out there) in some form of less formal format which could be updated in weekly or even daily installations…

Novel concept, right?

Well ironically I’m going to start off the exploration of this concept by noting an anniversary: I have been out of care now for three years.

It’s funny—-I don’t even really celebrate my own birthday (well I did this year, because it just happened to be my 21st birthday and that’s something worth a nice legal hurrah) and I’m not too big on holidays or other events which usually cause a stir on their annual appearance… but early December is always quietly important to me.

Three years ago, in early December, I left the ‘system’ behind. No more group homes. No more forced therapy sessions. No more forced medication. No more false hope that somehow, at the end of all of this, I’d be going home. The reality was that I was leaving all of that behind for a new place I’d eventually call home, a new list of trials and troubles, and a very interesting three years leading up to now.

So this year, to honor the anniversary and finally give some context into what got me here, I’m going to tell the story. The whole story, as best as I can. One post a week for the month of December (not counting this one), with the last week of the month being an actual what’s happening right now post.

Remember folks: Life is Transition—-and it can be very difficult to transition to something, if you haven’t quite put together where you’re transitioning from.

Check back for more.

“Hello again fellow transitionees. I’m writing to let you know that I will no longer be updating this Blog.

                That’s right, transitioning has ended for me, and I now have absolutely nothing to write to you about. I have finished transitioning. It’s over.”

Were it so easy.

                The above was a joke. I’m going to give you an update in brief of what has actually been happening in my life since my last post in… Well let’s not talk about how long ago that was.

WASHINGTON DC:

                “Chris, you went to Washington?”

                Yes.

                “What’d you do there?”

                Awesome NYTD (National Youth In Transition) Survey conference, at which I was the youth representative for Pennsylvania. There were other youth and staff from all over the country, with forty-something states present, and someone from Puerto Rico.

                “Well, Chris. That’s pretty cool. Why didn’t you tell us about this?”

                I dunno. I’ll share more shortly.

Pennsylvania Independent Living Youth Retreat:

                “Hey Chris, how was that retreat you never shut up about?”

                It was awesome. A week of fun and exhibits of inspiring talent from IL youth hailing from all across the state, and awesome keynote speech at the Banquet—-a spiffy banquette where everyone got all dressed up (some fine looking people, these PA youth…)—-a talent show, a dance, some good ol’ fashion competition in various forms. I’d say it went pretty well.

                “That’s nice, Chris. I see you’re already revved up to talk about it for the next year. Can we ask another question, though?”

                Yeah sure.

                “Why didn’t you post about that too?”

                Next question please.

Focus Group with Group Home:

                Before you ask, I’m going to write more about this.

                “Woah. Was that initiative?”

                It’s important. Next question.

Hurricane Lee:

                “There was a hurricane?”

                Do you live under a rock?

                “Yes, after the earthquake.”

                Touche`.

                “That’s rude.”

                It’s French.

                “You’re excused.”

                Aren’t I supposed to be the one with the snarky sense of humor here, oh reader?

                “Really. I hear you live next to the Schuylkill…”

                I lived in the Schuylkill, briefly. I assure you I did not drown.

                “Is everything alright?”

                A night in a shelter, met some really cool Red Cross people, got a free refugee blanket, met all of the people in my apartment complex who I never spoke to before, lost a tiny bit of cynicism at the amount of good will I saw that day. All in exchange for a somewhat soggy carpet—-think I made out alright.

                “So what you’re saying is, you laptop wasn’t on the floor. So you were entirely capable of posting during that.”

                Next question.

School:

                “Back in classes? How’s that going?”

                I’m going to post about the difference between online courses and actually having to show up for class. But, this semester I actually have to show up for classes—-which, I’m coming to understand, is actually in exchange for doing real work. See, in the online courses I took over the spring and summer we had regular assignments which were moderately time consuming and some of which actually required me to know what I was doing on. That difficulty is stripped, and replaced with an attendance grade.

                “Still on that ‘participation shouldn’t count’ horse, are you…”

                Yep.

                “You know you’re wrong, right?”

                Yep.

                “Would an accusation of laziness offend you?”

                Yep.

                “Next question?”

                Next question.

Flooding (Round 2):

                “Wow.”

                That’s what I said.

Work:

                “Still the most fulfilling part of your life?”

                Word to the Pennsylvania Child Welfare Training Program.

                “Have you done what you said in an earlier post and started balancing work/necessities with the things you WANT to do?”

                So, I got to do this cool Webinar thing recently. New experience, speaking to a large group of people I can’t see was sort of—-

                “Is that your way of saying ‘next question’ again?”

                Yep.

Personal Life:

                Next question.

                “This is the next question.”

                Still a transition. Figuring out housing changes in the near future, figuring out where I want to go with the whole college bit, figuring out where I stand with my often-absentee family, figuring out whether I’m happily distracted with plenty of tasks or distractedly unhappy with tasks that I need to do quicker.

                “That’s pretty vague.”

                Tell me about it.

                “Are you going to post more?”

                Yes.

                “Is there anything we can do to help?”

                Yes.

                “What’s that?”

                The ‘Ask Me Anything’ feature is pretty neat. It allows you to ask me anything. I’m not required to answer, but you do have the option to ask me anything.

                “Anything else?”

                Nope. Just check back for more.

Remember: Life is Transition. So on a blog about someone Transitioning, it’s pretty absurd that they can’t at least throw up a happening or two as an update.

The ‘Ask Me Anything’ feature works. Right side of the page.

Greetings fellow Transitionees. If you’re here, you’re used to reading a lot of references to presentations and meetings—-that’s because that’s what I spend most of my meaningful time doing.

It gives me the chance to observe people in a unique setting, which I suppose I should be grateful for. It’s one thing to observe people when they know they’re being observed, or even when they don’t—-but a chance to observe people when they’re observing you is unique.

While everyone is sitting there staring, I’m usually staring right back. I’ve noticed, in a far less scientific manner than Color Q, that there are about… three to five types of people in any given crowd.

#1: Zombies

They stare. They stare, and they stare, and sometimes their mouths are even part way open. They look as though they might want to eat you, or that the next thing from their mouths is likely to be “Braaaaaains….”. These people are either paying attention to everything you’re saying, or they’re trying to figure out in their zombified minds how fast they would have to shamble to catch you.

Effects of making eye contact with one of these individuals in the audience range from mild hypnosis and paranoia to moderate self consciousness and memory loss.

#2: Nodders

Nodders have to be my favorite type of person in the universe, when I’m presenting. Theory has it that Nodders actually absorb the energy which allows Zombies to remain so still, to fuel their enthusiasm. They will nod about everything you say. They are extremely happy to see you, so happy in fact that they agree with every syllable you have to tell them whether or not it was in fact a lucent thought.

If ever you are lacking for confidence, find the nearest Nodder in the crowd, and think a happy thought. For example:

An awkward pause after losing train of thought. You continue to speak, but can’t help the thought, “I pulled that off, right?”

You find your nearest Nodder. He/She nods.

Effects of interaction with a Nodder can include confidence boosts, out of place smiles while presenting, ‘counter nodding’—-a disorder which causes a nod in response to the Nodder. See: Agreeing with Agreeing with Yourself.

#3: Mrs/Mr Blackberry

You’re a good person, and a good presenter. You’re sure they have a very busy life, or something very interesting is happening on Facebook. You’re not sure what it is, but you wouldn’t dare think that what you’re saying is actually more important than the constant deluge of correspondence they have the rest of their day—-and in fact, the rest of their lives—-to take care of.

You will smile when they make eye contact by mistake and then look back down at their phone. And you will pretend that they are not in the audience. Because you are good at what you do. You’ll tell yourself you’re not offended, and then you’ll look at a Nodder to agree with you while imagining the Zombies will maul them.

Ah, those Nodders.

_____________________________________________________________________

There are sub categories, of course. I might go back to this later. The Severe Nodder is an evolution of the Nodder, and the Squinter/Scowler is a somehow more alarming offshoot of the Zombie breed.

I’ll get around to it.

Remember: Life is transition. And if you ever doubt that, say it to a Nodder. They agree with you.

THIS JUST IN

Marriage and Families: C+ Final

Ethics and Policy in Social Services: B Final
______________________________________________________________

Hello fellow Transitionees. Have you learned anything today? I have. Today I learned something entirely underwhelming: I am not an A student.

Usually, in pursuit of that feeling that I completely aced a course, I’d either freak out or fall into a slump about half way through any given course. Because I wasn’t going to get an A.

Would you like to know the most useful thing I’ve learned in college thus far? Prepare to have your mind blown.

I can graduate without an A average.

I know, right? Woah. I’d like to be an A student. But I’m not. Sometimes I’ll miss an assignment, sometimes I’ll do an assignment with approximately enough attentiveness to it to say I did it, sometimes I’ll cram the night before a test. Sometimes I’ll cram the day of a test. Sometimes, I’ll cram the instant before an open book test (skim through things, highlight keywords so I know where to go when I see the word/subject in a question—-it works, trust me… best way I’ve ever found to circumvent actually knowing what you’re talking about). And you know what? That’s okay.

Does it make me a role model? Yes. It does. Because some of us are A students. Some of us can keep up consistent, high grade work all of the time—-or at least enough of the time that, by any measure, it’s kept up all of the time. However, A students would be so special if it weren’t for the fact that by all logical reasoning, not everyone can attain that score.

There is a method to being an A student. There is a method, no easier to learn, to being a B student. Or in my case, a strong C student. I have learned that, despite the fact that I have a thoroughly average work ethic and attention to detail, I should at least show up to class and do the assignments in all my average scoring glory.

Because there is really only one way to get an F.

Now, this blog is about Transition, right? Transition and all of the things that happen to one blogger in particular during the course of said Transition. So what does this have to do with Transition? Not everyone chooses the schooling route in their Transition, what’s this mean for them?

Life is Transition. Life is also graded on a curve, believe it or not. No matter what you’re doing—-work, school, both, parenting, friendships, hobbies—-you’re being graded. The only way to guarantee a big mean F is to clam up because it’s not looking as perfect as you’d hoped it would.

Chances are, if you just keep at it, you’ll get it out of it with a C. And hey, that’s passing.